Shitpost (TV series)/SPTV
SPTV is the fifteenth episode of Shitpost's first season, and is the fifteenth episode of the series overall. Sypnosis The gang create their own TV channel, called "SPTV" (Shitpost TV). Transcript (Open on a view of Harajuku, Japan with the texts "バニー テレビ" and "BUNNY TV" superimposed onscreen.) ANNOUNCER: (in Japanese, with English subtitles underneath the scene) Friends, thank you for watching Bunny TV, Japan's number 1 choice in anime programming. This concludes our broadcast day. (As the announcer says those last few words, the image switches to the Shitpost logo. Then, it cuts to a low-quality photo of an old descrambler box on a black background.) ANNOUNCER: (in Japanese, with English subtitles underneath the scene) Please turn on your descrambler box to enjoy the premiere of our next show. (Cut to the first scene, but the texts have disappeared, leaving only the Harajuku image. It then cuts to scrambled TV static and then a black screen.) (Theme song plays. After that, we cut to the mancave at 4 in the morning.) (Zoom in on a window, which shows UNIKITTY's room. She is asleep. PUPPYCORN barges in.) PUPPYCORN: SIS! (UNIKITTY springs awake, her completely shocked face posed similarly to Kevin McCallister’s face in all the promo art for Home Alone.) UNIKITTY: (shouting) Puppycorn! You scared me! PUPPYCORN: Sorry, Sis! Yes, I know it's like, 4 AM, but I just got a crazy idea. UNIKITTY: Which is...? PUPPYCORN: To answer your question, I want us to start our own TV station. It's gonna be called SPTV and we're all gonna work on it together! I told all the other mancavers about it and they'd be happy to help! UNIKITTY: Well Puppycorn, I'm flattered you came to me for help! Let's gooooo! (PUPPYCORN and UNIKITTY float out of UNIKITTY's bedroom.) (TRANSITION (UNIKITTY, PUPPYCORN and FINK conga line from one end of the screen to the other.) TO: The mancavers sans Richard helping set up the channel's essentials in the basement. RICHARD walks into the basement.) RICHARD: What are you doing? What is all this stuff? PUPPYCORN: We're starting our own TV station! RICHARD: But what are you expecting to accomplish? CHILLI PEPPER COOKIE: We're saving television. (As CHILLI PEPPER COOKIE says this, we see HERB COOKIE falling off a bunch of cardboard boxes while trying to hook up some lights.) (It cuts back to everyone sans HERB COOKIE cringing as HERB COOKIE makes a low grunting noise after he falls.) CHILLI PEPPER COOKIE: Well, there that was. PUPPYCORN: Should we take him to the hospital? DEMENCIA: No, I'm sure he's fine. (HERB COOKIE is heard making more painful noises off-screen.) CHILLI PEPPER COOKIE: Fuck it. Come on, Richard. Let's take ol' Herby McFallDowns over there to the hospital. (CHILLI PEPPER COOKIE and RICHARD drag HERB COOKIE into RICHARD's car.) FINK: Okay, what the fuck was that? UNIKITTY: Herb has to go to the hospital, but that's not my problem! Let's continue! Puppycorn, you hook up the C-band dishes! And Fink, you go... uhh... FINK: I what? UNIKITTY: You can be the channel's representative! FINK: Really? That's awesome! UNIKITTY: Of course! FINK: Boss would be so proud of me right now! (GOD comes in on a scooter.) GOD: How do you do, children? (Everyone screams "GOD!" in unison except for FINK, who opts to scream "BOSS!") GOD: What are you all doing? FINK: We're making our own channel! On TV! GOD: But you're already on TV... (The fourth wall shatters.) GOD: Well, I gotta go repair the fourth wall! See you all later! (GOD exits.) FINK: (waving) Bye, Boss! UNIKITTY: We got one more thing to do! Raymond, put the satellite on the roof. RAYMOND: Sure, Unikitty. (RAYMOND puts the satellite on the roof effortlessly.) UNIKITTY: Yay! We're ready to begin broadcasting! (Everyone in the scene begins cheering.) (Cut to: FINK sitting in a white, fuzzy chair facing the camera. Her legs are crossed and her arms are positioned similar to the You Know I Had To Do It To Em guy.) FINK: (screaming) WASSAP, LOSERS!? (An airhorn sound effect blasts in the background after FINK says that.) (Cut to: Static screen.) FINK: Hi there. I'm Fink, and you're watching SPTV - where we air non-stop original programming my dumbass friends and I make in our basement! (as FINK speaks, the viewer can see SUSIE t-posing in the background.) FINK: So if you're into watching morons muck around, this is the channel for you! SUSIE: (still t-posing) I'm Susie. (TRANSITION (SUSIE Naruto running across the screen.) TO: FINK, SUSIE and PAULA looking up ratings of SPTV on the Internet.) PAULA: Guys! Look at the numbers! We're a hit! SUSIE: Okay, now this is epic. (looks at the Alexa nearby) Alexa, play Despacito! ALEXA: (plays Despacito) (SUSIE does finger guns at the Alexa.) FINK: Guys, I gotta go film something for our channel's new series - I call it, The Bag Bing Theery! PAULA: But doesn't that rip off The Big Bang Theory? SUSIE: I fucking love The Big Bang Theory. (Cut to: DR. FOX sitting on a couch, FINK walks into frame.) FINK: Dr. Fox, that's my spot! DR. FOX: (as the camera dramatically zooms in on her face) No, Fink. Not anymore. FINK: Liar! BAZINGA! (FINK does an epic, insane double dab. Laughter from AKIKO can be heard in the background.) MASTER FROWN: (off-screen) Someone please end it all. FINK: (to the camera) Ignore him, this isn’t his show. (Cut to: A title card saying "THE NEXT DAY" in black text on a plain white background.) (Cut to: Outside view of the mancave.) SARALINE: (yelling, off-screen): FINK! GET IN HERE! (Cut to: The living room. FINK zooms down the stairs.) FINK: What's up, fellow lesbian? SARALINE: People want SPTV to be shut down! But it's mostly just angry 14-year-old Big Bang Theory fans with anime icons. FINK: Huh. SARALINE: (to the camera) And remember, kids - if your profile picture is of an anime character, your opinion doesn't count! (SARALINE gives a thumbs up, winks and smiles to the camera as the scene zooms out on a light blue-to-dark blue gradient background with the words "THIS HAS BEEN A SARALINE SAYS SEGMENT" in cheesy, yellow cursive font. A talk show fanfare plays in the background.) FINK: (to the camera) She's right, you know. (Cut to: MASTER FROWN and ANSI on the roof, with ANSI in a shopping cart. MARCO is videotaping them.) MARCO: (off-screen) All right, you're on. ANSI: Welcome to Fuckshits. I'm Ansi, and I am the greatest American hero. We're here on the roof doing our first segment, "Roof Shopping Cart Guys". MASTER FROWN: I dared him to do this. (The camera then shows PAULA walking out to see what's happening, only to go back to ANSI and MASTER FROWN on the roof.) PAULA: (terrified) Guys, this is not safe at all! Fellow lesbians! Get over here! (SARALINE, FINK and DENDY group up faster than the human eye can blink. Upon seeing ANSI and MASTER FROWN on the roof, they all have petrified expressions, save for FINK.) SARALINE: Are you fucking INSANE? DENDY: Why would you do that? FINK: (nonchalantly) Susie says it's time for dinner. ANSI: Shut up, Fink. Marco, Just keep filming. (looks at MASTER FROWN) Release! (MASTER FROWN releases his grip off the shopping cart. MARCO records ANSI riding off the roof in the cart. ANSI falls out and hits the ground, and upon this happening, the viewer can hear MARCO laughing like a little bitch, slapping his knee.) (ANSI gets up without any pain.) ANSI: (yelling) Yeah, let's not do that again, okay?! (TRANSITION (SUSIE carrying some food on a platter, only to trip and fall.) TO: SUSIE and HERB COOKIE in the kitchen.) SUSIE: Herb Cookie. Hand me the sandwiches. HERB COOKIE: (bummed out) Aw, man! I was saving these for dinner… SUSIE: Well boo hoo, can we get 5 likes? Maybe an "F" in the chat? (SUSIE laughing can be heard in the background.) SUSIE: Wait, whoever says "noodle" first after I count from 3 gets to keep the sammies. Got it? (HERB COOKIE nods.) HERB COOKIE: Okay, I trust you. SUSIE: Then get ready… 3… 2… 1… HERB COOKIE: CABBAGE! SUSIE: NOODLE! (the Price is Right theme begins to play as the credits roll really fast, faster than the human eye can blink.) (TRANSITION (SUSIE carrying some food on a platter, only to trip and fall.) TO: K.O. shitposting on a tiny ass computer.) DENDY: (off-screen)  Dez, dinner is ready! K.O.: Just a minute! I’m almost done on the computer! (The camera reveals a bit of K.O.'s Google Chrome browser, showing that he is on r/nosleep on Reddit.) (Freeze frame.) K.O. (off-screen): And that subreddit changed my life forever... How you ask? I can't pinpoint why, but it changed me. (The frame goes as normal. It cuts to K.O. obsessively reading stuff on r/nosleep.) (Cut to: The gang watching the show.) HERB COOKIE: So the entire show is just K.O. browsing r/nosleep? K.O.: Yep! (TRANSITON (a big cloudy puff of pink smoke) TO: SUSIE sitting in the same chair FINK was earlier.) SUSIE: Hey kids, wanna watch me kill God? (Some kids off-screen say "yes") SUSIE: Epic! Let's go! (Cut to: SUSIE knocking on GOD's door. GOD opens the door.) GOD: Hey, Susie. SUSIE: God, I'm sorry to do this, but... (SUSIE hands GOD a pack of ultra-rare Pokemon cards.) GOD: Oh worm? Thanks, Susie. (SUSIE turns around, and winks while giving a thumbs-up to the camera. SUSIE, off-screen, says "Godkiller was filmed in front of a live audience!" before Another talk show fanfare plays in the background as the frame freezes.) (Cut to: UNIKITTY and the gang sitting on either the couch, or the floor.) UNIKITTY: How's the SPTV experiment so far, you guys? FINK: It has lost all its magic for me. (Everyone else sans UNIKITTY says some variation of "yeah" or "same".) UNIKITTY: What!? MASTER FROWN: Yeah. We have literally no ideas for shows anymore. We're pooped. UNIKITTY: Well, fuck! Might as well shut down the channel- GOD: (off-screen) Ask and you shall receive. (GOD snaps his fingers and the channel commits not feeling good.) SUSIE: ...Huh. Category:Shitpost (TV series) Category:Stuff by PixelMiette